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Transition to Love and Light Through the Vehicle of Yoga
by Kimberly Beroset
An excerpt from autoethnographical research, May 2006
“I felt the dirt in between my toes and under my feet, smelled the fragrance of the green earth and the purple flowers, heard the whispers and teachings of the trees, and saw the essence of the stars and clouds. I didn’t care so much when I danced in the pouring rain, thunder and lightning, feeling adorned by the earth giving me water as nourishment for my soul and a reminder of where I came from when I was born and where I will return to when I leave this body. I twirled like a Sufi whirling dervish adorned by the wisdom of the ancient mystics in the middle of the lawn, not caring who saw how many times I fell to the ground on my hands and knees.
I first felt the horrific cry of the suffering of the world and its destruction. I learned that I needed to be the change that I wanted to see in the world and that it needed to start with me. I needed to no longer be a part of that destruction. I didn’t care about economics, politics, the latest fad or what was playing on Monday nights on CBS. I only cared about when the day would take me outside to hug the trees, plant and harvest the garden, or walk barefoot in the grass.
My own pain disappeared: my back pain, my leg pain, and my emotional pain. I let go of limiting fears that “I could never be…”. I learned how to hug another human being without pulling away for the fear of he/she deciding that I was too overweight to be near. I glimpsed how it felt to be non-judgmental of myself and of others, recognizing that struggle was a natural part of life and that all beings suffer on the most intense levels often feeling anger, hatred, jealousy, greed and fear. I learned what it felt like to be compassionate with myself and my process. I let go of perfection and accomplishment and replaced it with trust and surrendered to the forces of the universe that allowed me to be in the present moment. I let down the walls around my heart, balancing it with certain discernment, allowing me to be open and emotionally intelligent in dealing with others.
I learned of the concept of manifestation of the divine, that I could play with universe and that thought truly does create reality. I discovered that I had the ability to change the course of my life with thought, words and actions. I felt the value of synchronicities on the spiritual path and that the universe places them in front of you to be taken advantage of and to take you to the next development of your higher self.
I learned what it felt like to be non-attached to food and to the image of my body, this being the biggest lesson since it was a struggle that had consumed so much of my mind-space before living at the Institute. I felt no sure cravings of sugary and high fat foods and didn’t take more than one plate of food during each meal. I learned to eat more consciously, though at the time I didn’t know how to describe it as such. I was liberated from the emotions and eating patterns that had haunted me my entire life. I felt the walls that I had created around me in the form of my own human flesh fall off of my waist, my arms and my face. I released my expectation of who I am “supposed” to be and my body released itself of its prison of useless body fat.”
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